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New Challenging Joy-filled Path

 New Challenging Path I have a new challenge in my life where I need to work hard to find joy. I was diagnosed with Spinocerebellar Ataxia as well as Barrett’s Esophagus. One is not fun, and the other one is horrifying. I would love to be told that it’s all a joke. I can tell that if it isn’t what was diagnosed, it is still not something that I want to deal with. If it is Spinocerebellar Ataxia, then I know there is no cure. It’s degenerative, physically and mentally. I have been watching my body losing some of its abilities for about 5 years. Recently, I have been noticing mental degeneration. The losing of skills has been so scary and unnerving. I have been having a bit of a problem writing these days. I forget what I am talking about, what I was planning on saying, and words. I have noticed it getting worse recently.. We used to joke about having to play Scattergories to figure out what I wanted to say. Now I feel like I have to play scattergories with myself to be able to play ...
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TBI

  I am absolutely devastated. I received a phone call yesterday requesting that my deceased husband return their call. I was immediately sent into shock. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I listened to the voice mail again and then again, in absolute horror that this was actually happening. I thought that I had been able to say goodbye to him enough times. Apparently not. As I began a horrible, painful ugly cry, trying to decide what I had to do now, my body decided to just give up.  Now my health has been deteriorating quickly the last month or so, so I’ve been a bit freaked out. But yesterday morning I was okay. I even took the dog for a walk. It was going to be a good day. Then I received the call.  Today I watched a police officer telling of when he was attacked. It was awful. He ended up with a heart attack, concussion, and traumatic brain injury (along with other things). This is where the devastation comes in. Tony and I both have/had traumatic brain injury. I wat...
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Next Life Step

For the last 6 months to a year, I have been working hard on being content with my current situation. When I look at my future, it seems all I can see is what I can no longer do. My health keeps getting in the way of life   At this moment, I am just trying not to cry. I’m working so hard to be content. My mom and Julia were hanging out tonight talking about Buddy Bears. It was so nice to hear my daughter’s experiences this week. One of the kids found out that Julia and my mom are grandma and granddaughter. It was so neat to hear the story. Then I realized that this kid will never know I exist. If he does, then I will probably just come across as your typical dead-beat parent...never in their kid’s life. It hurt so bad.  I don’t mind it if nobody remembers me when I die. I’m starting to realize, that for some people, I’m not going to exist while I’m alive.  There are people who have only known me with my disabilities...only ever seen me with my cane. My first reaction is t...
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